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Wait Here…

July 1, 2011

‎”I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13-14

It seems God is trying to tell me something. Just about everywhere I turn, He’s reminding me that His timing is perfect. A song, a blog post, a scripture passage. This verse spoke comfort to me earlier today. It reached down into a place in my heart that is wounded and still a bit speechless. And it reassured me that I don’t have to despair. That there will be a day when His goodness will shine through, past the hurt and the depression and the waiting, and will bring me to the place that He’s called me to. I’m so ready. Ready to live out what I am convinced is my purpose. Ready to serve, and inspire, and reach people for Christ.

So much happened in that moment almost 7 months ago. If I even allow it to flash across my mind, I immediately well up with tears. A dream fell to the ground, and like glass, shattered into a million pieces. Decades of work and study disregarded. A carefully and passionately woven plan was violently unraveled. A trust was broken and truth revealed. Loved ones hurt; betrayed. I can still feel the churning knots in my stomach.

This is the first I’ve written about it. It’s scary, but I am praying that God will help me to write more.  I think there’s healing in writing. I don’t talk about it. In fact I’ve kept rather quiet, because I don’t want to hurt anyone. Even ones who have hurt me.

I know that He has a perfect design, and often times, difficult change has to happen, for that to come about. In Ken Gire’sThe Weathering Grace of God, he describes how the beauty of the mountains and other landscapes came out of devastating upheavals and violent storms. I’m believing that one day, our church will be healthy and whole again. That’s the beautiful landscape that I feel God is handcrafting right now, while we wait.

One thing that has kept me level-headed throughout this has been friendship. Here’s a passage from Ken’s book that speaks to the importance of cherishing relationships when going through a hard time.

We feel our way in the dark. Until we find each other. We huddle together in the storm. Wet and shivering, but together.

And maybe in the end it will be our huddling in the storm that gives us more comfort than our understanding of the storm.

I’m more thankful for real, true friends than I can even put into words. We still don’t understand it. But we are together. We still huddle. Wet, shivering, hurting, comforting one another, even months later. There are few things that matter more to me than these genuine friends.

I’ve learned a lot during this time. I’ve felt the Holy Spirit minister to me so often, keeping me from giving up, encouraging me to press into Him, and press on. I know that He has called me into full time ministry. Everything I’ve done since childhood has prepared and equipped me for it. One day I know that calling will be fulfilled, because, as a very wise preacher said to me last week, Jesus wrote my contract, not man.

And for that, I’m thankful. And I’ll wait on the Lord. To bring healing and bind up the wounds, as He promises in His Word.

And to fulfill my calling, not for my pleasure or gain, but for His glory, in His perfect timing.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. July 1, 2011 10:48 am

    Beautifully written, LeAnn. He doesn’t waste your experiences. He will use everything you have been through for something good. I am praying for you daily.

    Thanks for the pingback.

  2. leannthomas permalink*
    July 1, 2011 3:05 pm

    Kelly, thanks. I really appreciate your prayers. Regardless of it all, we are very blessed. I see God’s hand and that’s so encouraging.

  3. Dawn permalink
    July 1, 2011 3:57 pm

    LeAnn,
    I am so glad that you have hung in there. I know waiting is difficult and painful.

    I was completely & totally impressed with you and proud to be your friend when you were there the next Sunday, leading worship, seemingly as if nothing had happened. I know your heart was breaking, but you were there. I was so proud. I don’t think I would have come back.

    Thank you for sharing your heart on the stage, in this blog and whenever we talk, text or IM.

    I love you a bunch!

  4. leannthomas permalink*
    July 1, 2011 8:03 pm

    Thank you, Dawn! I know it wasn’t because of anything I was doing on the platform the next Sunday…that was ALL the Lord’s strength! I’m really thankful He’s helped me to push through and continue what I’m doing, because I LOVE it.
    Thank you for being my friend.
    ❤ you.

  5. deb permalink
    July 4, 2011 7:37 pm

    Humility is the tasty little morsels we eat while waiting for the whole meal to arrive. Most of life is sustained by it.

    Your kindness and meekness are well known. You appear to have gone through this with out flinching… on the job and true to the task at hand. Speaks well of your ability to minister and keep your focus on God and off drama.

    Your light is shinning very bright!

    deb

  6. leannthomas permalink*
    July 6, 2011 10:49 pm

    Debra,
    Thank you so much for your wise and kind words! They mean a lot to me.
    Much love to you.

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